He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
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i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
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I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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