Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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