I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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