M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We are two peas in an std pod
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize