Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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