Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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