Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
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I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
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Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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