Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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