dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize