Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
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Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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