if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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