I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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