Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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