did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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