There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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