I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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