Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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