Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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