yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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