ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize