Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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