were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
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Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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