i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize