she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
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So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
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I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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