i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dicks are not precious.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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