I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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