Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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