she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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