I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize