We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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