It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize