The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
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i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
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I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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