Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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