I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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