I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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