i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
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Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
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Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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