That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
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Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
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So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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