I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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