I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
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so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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