Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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