This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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