How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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