thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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