nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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