You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
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Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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