Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
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the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
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Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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