U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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