are you still at the devil's house?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
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At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
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Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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