New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize