My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
COCAINE IS GR8
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize