What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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